Fist & Palm

by Bellows

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Louis Holding
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Louis Holding Couldn't be happier to pick this up on vinyl! Oliver's music is really special and this is one of my favourite albums of all time :) Favorite track: Thick Skin.
nick c.
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nick c. super relaxing, feels kinda like i'm in a dreamland. i saw them live and fell in love! Favorite track: Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.
fuvk
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fuvk intimate and sincere Favorite track: Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.
Thomas
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Thomas gorgeous and captivating songs that perfect what Blue Breath started; Oliver is a master of autumn feelings Favorite track: Bully.
Svetlana Zwetkof
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Svetlana Zwetkof It's so earnest and paints the clearest picture but I know it's not my story & that's what I love about it Favorite track: You Are A Palm Tree.
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    "Fist & Palm" on vinyl in a beautiful gatefold jacket featuring a full lyric sheet and credits, along with illustrations by Oliver. They're pressed on "bone" colored vinyl.

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    Cassette tape of "Fist & Palm" by Topshelf Records. Dark Blue cassette with silver lettering.

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1.
Can you be kind? Walk with me to the corner store Yellow cans of 24’s We’re fighting in the yard That’s what it takes to be your bud Can you be kind? Remembering your simple smile Upper lip that shrinks inside Behind the crooked glow The parts of you I cannot know And if you show your face, I won’t be afraid Nothing’s hidden now in the dark And if you show your face, I won’t be afraid If you show me who you are Cause you are a palm tree, like me, not quite shady A palm tree, like me, not quite shady Can you be kind? And do you fit these changing clothes? The parts of me you do not know? And can we let it go, the limping life we sing at shows? And if you show your face, I won’t be afraid Nothing’s hidden now in the dark And if you show your face, I won’t be afraid If you show me who you are Cause you are a palm tree, like me, not quite shady A palm tree, like me, not quite shady Apart, we start, we race in dark rooms Apart, we start, we race in dark rooms
2.
03:10
Drinking orange juice from a tonic water bottle I hate the way I always lose my cool To be the way I wanted, but half of what I wanted was confused Something cruel, I kept inside my pocket I always end up sounding like a fool End up running through a mess of bad behaviors I’m lashing out whenever I’m with you At the Palisades, with the tonic water bottle The second band is saying that they’re through So we move, but I wanna keep sippin’ I’ve always been a little bit aloof Drinking orange juice from a tonic water bottle You turn to me and ask me if I’m through And I laugh at you, but I throw away my bottle We pile up with Henry, Jack and Sue Not so cool to have trouble saying sorry Becoming what I never wanted to Going blue, I’m having trouble breathing So nervous whenever I talk to you Drinking orange juice from a tonic water bottle I brought it here to share the thing with you And I knew that I was being careless, so sorry if I wasn’t very cool
3.
03:09
Staring out your car window I feel my size Hudson Palms, The Catskill Gulf Stream The world’s alive! I knew your fullness from the start, I felt your size And I saw an ending in your face, your arms, your bed at night And what’s better than looking for it, something you won’t find? I’ve grown so thick skinned lately, but I wanna cry You couldn’t see the way I let go Surfaced from sorrow and sunk into something more gross Cause I still fear the unknown Don’t wanna leave the earth even for a moment Cause what’s better than looking for it? What’s better than lost time? I’ve grown so thick skinned lately, but I wanna cry So will you hold me close, then open your arms? I want to feel you missing, to feel your warmth Cause what’s better than looking for it, something you won’t find? I’ve grown so thick skinned lately But I want to cry But I want to cry But I want to cry
4.
Can you remember me, strong like I pretend to be A twenty-year-old’s fantasy of impressing you with songs But I got lost in bummer swells, noisy pops and MIDI bells And before I had the chance to yell I’m losing once again Four o’clock the waiting ends, F connecting to the M Waiting for a text to send, “are you finished with your mom?” Four o’clock the waiting ends, J connecting from the M Myrtle-Broadway once again, rising with the sun Sweet soft city light, always sad in summer time Sleeping off too many drinks, lying on the ground But he will never rise again, smiling to greet his friends And he will never turn around or come this way again Sweet soft city light, always sad in summer time Sleeping off too many drinks, lying on the ground But he will never rise again, smiling to greet his friends And he will never turn around or come this way again
5.
You saw me as the purest form Naked against the window pane I cannot see you tonight I saw you in black and white film Naked against the wallpaper I could not unsee that shot And I would like to see you tonight Through spring, summer, autumn into winter I can see how time has passed I haven’t been myself Bleak obsessions, bully dogs in dresses When you don’t pick up the phone I make up what you said I want to hold your thought Every last edge of what I want to think you are It’s just what you’re not Saw you in black and white Naked against the backdrop of a thought that I had long kept inside Through spring, summer, autumn into winter I can see how time has passed I haven’t been myself Bleak obsessions, bully dogs in dresses When you don’t pick up the phone I make up what you said Spring, summer, autumn into winter I’m not comfortable at home Or relaxed around my friends A weird ending, bully dogs and weddings There is beauty in the form, purity and warmth
6.
02:33
At the corner of your street A different image of your street ingrained in me Perhaps I pause outside your place Perhaps I stop to catch my breath, perhaps I speak: O Joy! How glad I was to feel my mood turn O Joy! How glad I was to see your full form And at a different time we meet Though perhaps we meet this time differently And maybe I had overthought And maybe you pursued this thought to other means O Joy! How long it takes to feel I’m not home O Joy! How long it takes to feel I’m far gone I want to share a thought with you That there was something I had lost loving you If we had touched with more than skin If there was something deeper within O Joy! How quickly I put out this fire O Joy! How quickly there was nothing at all O Joy! How long it took to milk the venom O Joy! How long it took the snake to squirm Don’t want to fight in the yard tonight You bring so much joy into life for me, it’s true When I bring my fists up, you just reject the very concept of fisticuffs, I knew And I find myself wondering how to be a better friend when I’m wandering between How it’s frustrating to be there for you, and to resent the very fact you weren’t there for me, it’s true And I compare how you fight me in silence And how I want a bit more than that from quiet O Joy! Forever
7.
A sordid ending to a bad rock song and I am bored And your father doesn’t yell anymore But he pretends to his friends you weren’t born Or at least that your band is on tour Or that you don’t ask for money anymore We fell asleep in my mini-van watching stars I never once asked how tired you are Or if you ever said sorry to your mom You don’t deserve to be treated like you’re dumb Even if you’ve been hurting everyone What can be said inside a peaceful stare is how I want To disown the friendship we forgot To never ask you something you won’t confront To never yell at you again in the yard Or to hear that I don’t know things are hard
8.
03:07
The perfect thing you wrote, bonfires in my fingers You were not alone, I could feel what you were feeling In that song I wrote, I felt so close to leaving You were holding tight, spoke without me hearing A message on your machine, lost in cellphone speakers You know what I mean, though you’re not close enough to hear it Somehow I’m not here, always hooked on endings I broke that off this year, but I lost track of how it felt And if it really was so awful And if I could have known you for real He got so drunk and high, this sparrow That he went crashing through the window Spring comes in like teeth, chewed up, thawing ice He’s hurtling through the trees I can’t see your body But I can feel your might, lost in autumn breezes You are something wild I almost believe it Though you couldn’t be my friend all last year I couldn’t be there for you either You had to black out on some liquor To not confront the basic idea: We feel the same thing just as awful We feel the same pain just as awful And as convinced I was you hurt me That I was nothing more than a bully
9.
04:34
Everything I thought was beautiful is spoiled Everything I thought was pure has come to harm Everything I thought was magical is ordinary Somehow I need you in my life I can feel your arrogance consume me You can feel my rejection of your space Everything I loved about you now annoys me A squirrel hole, a slap in my face At your show I was hiding in the bathroom Overwhelmed with desire just to leave And though I’m drunk I just drive away without you You come through after I fall asleep There is a vulture circling our little stream in the desert The blooming of the marigolds, the flight of the frightened deer There is beauty in the way we bloom and fade together Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after You invite me in for a bump in your apartment Creepy home we lived in once upon a time I find it easy to confide in any stranger I’m lonely, angry all the time Unavailable to everyone I care for Unconcerned for the people that I love Unadorned you are crying in the corner I’m wasted and I can only shrug I do not comfort you at all or dignify your failure Was I expecting something better, something straight from the gut this time? And I could shout, “why won’t you look at me?” as you turn your shoulder Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after There is a vulture circling our little stream in the desert And diving to the shore it eats the flesh of the dying deer There is beauty in the way they bloom and fade together Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after Beauty in the dirty snow that settles in the dead of winter Beauty in the evidence that you and I are tied together Driving home through the country in the nighttime There is peace in the nothingness I like And then the conversation turns to what we thought was ending A friendship that years ago felt right A love we wasted every time And I’m ashamed to have put you through this fight And I just rage at what became my life That making something beautiful was not Enough to raise you up out of this rut
10.
03:46
At the start I held your heart An armored guard, a vault of money What your secrets are The hope that you would keep me dreaming There’s a secret in the woods There’s something out there, I can’t see it Nothing’s so sincere Lost in something out of reaching An unbroken thing, a dark star I woke up and you weren’t breathing A hardened thing, a dark heart I am here and you are speaking As scary as you are As deeply as my love is hidden I will kiss you in the car While the band is getting wasted There’s a secret in my heart There’s something in there, you can’t see it Nothing so obscure The part of me I know you needed The unbroken thing, the hard heart You woke up and I was bleeding The hardened thing, the dark heart I am here, I’m almost weeping I want something more than life Eyes closed, hiding nothing I want something more than life Eyes closed, hiding nothing I want something more than life Eyes closed, hiding nothing I want something more than life Eyes closed, hiding nothing The unbroken thing, the dark heart You woke up and I was sleeping The hardened thing, the hard heart I am here and you are speaking The unbroken thing, the dark star Waking life that feels like dreaming And baring here this hard heart I was something more than living
11.
In the yard, I see you smiling Broad, some time ago Odd, how long I lasted Angry, full of hatred In the snow, we looked so crazy Wrecking balls, our every footstep crushing And oh, I finally see you Closer, broad, expanding A white sheet, no more haunting The wrestle, fist & palm The cold My home From the palms, your broad arms Open your hands Open your…. In the yard, I see you smiling So why am I so sad? Sometimes in moments of quiet I remember your face and I feel unhappy How did I make it so hard to love me? And why is it so hard? Why is it so hard? To care for you? To love you

about

"Fist & Palm", the third full-length album by Bellows, documents the dissolving of a friendship. The album's narrative trajectory is an anti-narrative, beginning and ending in the same place: in the backyard of a shared house, on the night of a petty argument. The circularity of the album's timeline underlines an overarching theme of the record -- the realization that when the satisfaction of a real resolution is denied, beauty and meaning can be found only in its pursuit. As I pursue happiness and the discovery of beauty, I find that satisfaction exists for me only in a perpetual sense of 'going', of always moving forward, and accepting that although some goals can never be achieved, and some failures are guaranteed, there is "beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I'm after."

"Fist & Palm" was written and recorded by Oliver Kalb over the course of two writing periods. The first was a month-long song-a-day project in October 2014, from which 7 of the 31 songs written for the project were kept for the final album, and a certain sonic template was mapped out for how the record would develop the sound of Bellows as a recording project. After a heavy year of touring throughout 2015, the album was completed between October 2015 and January 2016. James Wilcox (JCW) produced, sequenced and sampled drums on several songs, Felix Walworth (Told Slant) recorded live drums throughout the record, Gabrielle Smith (Ó) contributed violin and choral arrangements, and Jack Greenleaf (Sharpless) mixed the record and added final arrangements.

credits

released September 30, 2016

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Bellows Brooklyn, New York

Bellows is the bedroom recording project of songwriter and producer Oliver Kalb.

booking:
ghorbal@apa-agency.com

press:
will@topshelfrecords.com

other questions / my actual email: bellows.mail@gmail.com
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