As If To Say I Hate Daylight

by Bellows

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  • "As If To Say I Hate Daylight" Burst & Bloom CD's
    Compact Disc (CD)

    Burst & Bloom's beautiful CD release of the first Bellows album "As If To Say I Hate Daylight"!

    Includes unlimited streaming of As If To Say I Hate Daylight via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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about

Bellows began in late 2010 as my recording project--I am Oliver Kalb. I recorded "As If To Say I Hate Daylight", the first Bellows record, throughout Spring 2011 and put it out myself in August of that year. The album is recorded using one microphone, using natural and acoustic sounds that came out of the woodwork of the floor in my house. "Daylight" is an album about freezing to death and thawing the ice to be summoned back into existence

Bellows is a band now -- this is what we sound like lately, www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlpZCKYLvZk
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtNwlLkB0z0
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GCcdmgAh-8


"A delicate sound, a warm embrace... bursts of sharp sensation penetrate the cozy, experimental folk. I'm guessing you'll like Bellows" - Knox Road

"It doesn't sound like it was recorded underwater with your Dad's old camcorder like some "Lofi" artists... Songs are sung low and almost in a mumble, the instruments utilize natural acoustics and reverb, the words are important and tell the tale of life with clever wordplay, very Antifolk. Every element of the songs presented is intimate (even when distant), especially the vocal which in songs like "Tiny or Tall?" stays subtle and personal while the production seems to breathe with growth and evolution." - Cincinnati Examiner

"The band starts most songs off on a pretty standard foot with sweet hooks, melodies, and all the trimmings -- then switch gears about 3/4 of the way through, over filling the composition with more tracks, more kinds of instruments, and sometimes sets the whole shebang at a wobbly, loping pace. Is the off tempo instrumentation an accident of recording, or intentional? There are definitely some gems here, and the maximalist funkiness will give you something to chew over." - QRO Magazine

"Its a pretty awesome lo-fi pop thing" - Effort is Hard

"When I listen to Bellows' As If To Say I Hate Daylight, I think New England Transcendentalism. The album is Sufjan Stevens by way of Thoreau, with delicate verses atop intricate guitar, punctuated by wild yelps that cry out to the forest sky. The delivery channels the intimacy of Elliott Smith, but without Smith’s overbearing sorrow. You detect neither anger at the past nor anxiety about the future. Instead, you get the wonder of the now. The miracle that is birth, of love in relationships, of friendship among peers where no one else has rank or title over the other. Of the difficult process that is growing into manhood... The album ends with the song “I Am Building a House.” Because every rebel eventually realizes the need to construct his own institution, his own home. And so life experiences become the brick and cement which we construct around ourselves. Yet, the house is built to fall. Salt is not applied to the foundation. Eventually ice will develop and it will all collapse. And then you will be free. When more people tear down the walls that separate them from one another, then true friendships can be had, true relationships experienced. God in the Now. Transcendence." - Public Sounds

Originally released in August 2011, this album was reissued and remastered for Burst and Bloom, a small New England record label.

credits

released 12 August 2011

Gabby Smith (eskimeaux), Felix Walworth (Told Slant), Henry Crawford (Small Wonder)

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Track Name: Am I? Or Was I? Because I
I spilled my guys last night
sitting on the steps by the dark and foggy light
I felt just like a man
but then I felt just like a goose
out there on the chase
feeling his neck already loose
am I? or was I?

because I came on so fresh
that my chloroform congealed
in my heart, cold as a fridge
I felt just like a man
but then I felt just like your dad
waiting on the couch
cause you did something so bad
am I? or was I?

because I warmed your blood
like a cunning running bath
but after soap was sud
there wasn't any man
and there wasn't any goose
to be out on the chase feeling his neck already loose
am I? or was I? because I
Track Name: I Opened My Eyes
I opened my eyes
and I screamed at the skies
when I crowned out to see
what was outside of your body

I was wet with your insides
as I crawled around the light
and they cut us apart
with something so sharp

I was naked when you washed me off
and you wrapped me in a cloth
it was one you got from somebody your dad loved once

and i kept it
until i left it
and with it I grew up fine
but one day it had to be left behind
Track Name: Uh Oh!
as if to say I hate daylight
we closed off the curtains to the skies
and I pinched shut the lids to your eyes
and with a kiss on the lips we were gone in the morning

as if to say I welcome hunger
we locked ourselves in every night
and held open the lids to our eyes
and with a kiss on the lips we were safe til the morning light

you are such a brain but you are so angry
you are such a heart but you are so angry
and when you pushed my ears into the ground
it was only you that heard our settling sound
and with a kiss on the lips we climbed out into the morning
Track Name: Like the Saint
living by the river and the mountains tall
living like the saint in the paint on your wall
feels so good
i am not your brother i am not your mom
i am not your dad or your unborn son
i am your friend
do you ever think about the nights when i copied your expressions til we both fell quiet?
its cause I was drunk
and I'm sorry
living by the river where the trees are high
floating like a saint like the paint above your eyes
but you don't wear that anymore
i am not your brother i am not your mom
i am not your dad or your unborn son
i am your friend
do you ever think about the afternoons we pasted them and placed them between the moon and the sky
cause that's like being high
though I don't know

living by the river where the kids looks cool
flying like a saint through the trees
i looked only once but I still felt the wiser
you are not my brother you are not my mom
you are not my dad
or my son
you are my friend
do you ever think about the nights when I came into your body from a place so high
and your arms would shake
I'm living in your bedroom living inside
living like a saint in the rain
catching death
i reflected your expression but i didn't express the west coast attitude my mother confessed after years of lying kindly
Track Name: Blew the Roof Off
I'm wider than I used to be
washed whiter than I used to be
and you bow to the champion
cause that's all that you learned from love

they peaced you out of new york then
and took upon your champion
and you bow to that billow now
that chased the grey out of your cloud

what blew the roof off of your home?

and the girls attacked in smaller hordes
but bearing on your every word
and bowing down before your legs
swallowed every word you said

and they chased you out of new york then
and stole away your champion
and bowing to a love gone by
that glued the blue upon your eyes

what blew the windows through the panes?
what blew the windows through the panes?
what blew the door down to the ground?
what blew the roof off of your home?
Track Name: From Outer Space
did you enter the world kicking and screaming?
did you grow from a girl into a little boy
with long brown hair and eyes that stare
did you bruise your knees and spend the day watching TV?
did you sprout like a tree out of someone's lawn
to take their stuff when they're dead and gone?
did you scream a name out into your darkroom
did somebody's face come to chase away the beasts from your outer space?

did you come to be out among the lights and all the sounds?
did it come to be rough and painful as can be?
was it one time or two times or three
that you'd say in a cold way
that is not me

did you enter the world spitting and biting?
did you grow from a girl into a little boy
with short brown hair and eyes that stare
did you turn around when you heard them calling
or say you're not coming down ever again
and get sent to bed cause you lost your head
did you see the light
from the plug in the bathroom
did you doubt your sight
did you expect you'd fall right out

into the night
Track Name: Yanguang
The world was bright living in the sunlight
and it washed me white
when I loomed upon my own heights

do we write down our love and read it back to ourselves?
or do we wake up with nothing else to retell

do I spill my chloroform from out my thighs
and start to hear the buzzing flies
and waft around the room at night
with bruises growing through my insides
and dripping flesh down through my thighs
I take a breath with empty mind
and see you there with empty eyes
and eat you up with empty insides
but through the hollow stinking bones there shines
sunlight

bravery is not
showing off the arms I've got
or staring at the sun
til my eyes fall out my front
its reaching out my hand
without a light to guide me in
in eighty years we die
and twenty of them's passed us by
Track Name: Tiny or Tall?
do you hear when I walk on the floor?
when I listen for kissin I'm lickin my sores

did you see how I hung on the wall?
was my skin framing portraits held tiny or tall?

day comes late and I shake your sleeping bones dry

do you see how I run for the door?
and at once think my touching is not ours anymore
so I barked at what shook from the ceiling
but caved in my lungs when I tried to sing

day comes late and I shake your sleeping bones dry
if my art could not be fixing hearts
was it tearing your sleeping skin apart?

patiently
walk with me
wait for me wait for me
patiently
walk with me
come with me come with me

will I be your thorn and crown if you put your finger down?
your spine crawls up like calvary
and crosses mine with no spite
will I be deeper than you when our waves hit the shore?
couldn't you capture my fins in your net
and drag me down with my crown?
at the bottom of the sea, crawling around gracelessly
will I wait patiently, patiently?

did you see when I opened the blinds?
Track Name: You are Not
i braved the never ending winter
cause i could not be a man
when i lifted the blinds to show the light it wasn't with my own hands
my windows were left open
and i stuffed them with parts of you
but when my walls were burst your name was cursed and nothing
was left to be

and i said
you are not the one who will come and save me
you are just a boy you are just a baby
you won't swoop in with capes and guns
and come and save me
you are just a boy you are just a baby
you won't fly in the night
and come and save me
you are just a boy you are just a baby
you are not the one who will come and save me
you are just a boy you are just a baby
Track Name: Plastic Light
a light shown in through broken beams
sewing up these seams that opened caustically
seeing as you see
seeing as you see
when i was a kid
when i was a kid
when i was a kid i wasn't cold as this

i was done with plastic light
shining through the mirror in her room at night
seeing through your sights
seeing through your sights
when i was in love
when i was asleep
and thought of only love you were the focus of

when you thought of sex as something cool
nothing really mattered but the parts on you
seeing through your heart way before we start
feeling like a man
feeling like a man
feeling like a boy when i turn and run

i was done with plastic light
sifting through your thoughts in my mirror at night
seeing through your sights
seeing through your sights
and there's nothing else to me
there's nothing else to me
there's nothing else to me
there's nothing else to me
Track Name: I am Building a House
I am building a house
but it has no salt for melting the outside
I am laying these floors to splint me with splinters and line me with turpentine
cause these were days when
I couldn't think to make it another way

I am building a house
but it has no ceiling or attic or basement
I am painting the walls with dirt from by fingers and spit up from old loves
cause these were nights when
I couldn't think to make it another way

I am building a house
and life will be quiet with no interruptions
I am heating the rooms when I'm bending to please you with mouth open wide
and something on the riser's rotting
and something on the walls is peeling
when you are in my insides
and you are in my insides

I am screaming a name
cause I couldn't think to say in another way