Blue Breath

by Bellows

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    "Blue Breath" on beautiful off-white cassette tapes from Dead Labour. This release looks really great, the tapes are printed on and the J-Card has a really nice matte finish.

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about

Blue Breath was recorded in five bedrooms across long distances. Thanks especially to Gabby, Felix & Henry. Thanks to Jack and Emily for looking this over in delicate stages - you keep your chin up and it inspires me to do the same. Mastered by Marc McElroy at The Cave (Portsmouth, NH). Mixed by Oliver Kalb and Gabrielle Smith.

credits

released April 11, 2014

Oliver Kalb, Gabrielle Smith, Felix Walworth, Henry Crawford, Emily Sprague, Jack Greenleaf.

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about

Bellows Brooklyn, New York

Bellows is the bedroom recording project of songwriter and producer Oliver Kalb.

booking:
ghorbal@apa-agency.com

press:
eloyl@grandstandhq.com

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Track Name: For Rock Dove
a prayer for an open wound
to dignify existing in its air
we live for a second only and then we're claimed by the atmosphere

a prayer for a life not lived
to dignify screaming til you can't anymore
so ashamed of the love you carry
the crowded rooms where you speak the dark side of your heart

what if like geese we could migrate, migrate
to a place no one follows?
wish I could speak what's inside me always
I am a bird with a wing of stone

I remember when we were small
-- It's dark in this cave and we grow without eyes --
But your voice is brave and warm and though we trip and fall we come out on the other side alive
and what a calm feeling!
It's like we're dressed up warm cause it's nearing night
in the part of your voice that broke when you called me on the telephone and told me that last night grandma died

what if like geese we could migrate, migrate
to a place no one follows?
wish I could speak what's inside me always
I am a bird with a wing of stone
dissipate with the flesh you tainted
speak loud if you're doing it now
you are alone and there's no one listening
I am a bird with a wing of stone

so sorry you don't bleed right, I'm so sorry you don't bleed right
so sorry you don't bleed right, I'm so sorry you don't bleed right
so sorry you don't bleed right, I'm so sorry you don't bleed right
so sorry you don't bleed right, I'm so sorry you don't bleed right

and who are you in the back of this stereo?
it's what I want to hear until I'm very old
we cannot slow the burn on your cigarette
we can't stop time for a minute
or slow the rate of your pulse on your beating heart
... if we didn't have to joke to know who we are ...
and if a screaming voice is all you are
speak loud if you've ceased to be at all!

but what if like geese we could migrate, migrate
to a place no one follows -- oooooohhhhhh
what if like geese we could migrate, migrate
to a place no one follows
wish I could speak what's inside me always
I am a runner but with bones all broken
Track Name: Change by Night
We are not the ones who fear your bite
Your eyes are full of fire
My teeth are white
A desert in your heart miles wide
How many tried to reach the other side?

I was not the one who lost control
The January night I broke your heart
I barely bent my own on the bench in the park
And you said you had known from the start

That one of us would change by night
one of us would change by night
one of us would change by night
one of us would change by night
and have you got the will to survive?
have you got the will to survive?
have you got the will to survive?
have you got the will to survive?

In this bed
your clothes on the ground - the lampshade
the deafening silent sound
your breast
out of the cover while you sleep
who is this watching while you sleep?
what is this terror in this house
sleeping under the floorboards?

what's its name? what's its name? what's its name? what's its name?

we are not the ones who fear your bite
and although we live this pale
bitter, wicked, jealous
stupid, false
with dirty feathers empty
broken, small!
we want to live them all!
Track Name: Blue Breath, Rosy Death
kicked on the playground, five years old
now he is faithful, playful, bold - right?
raced to the lunch line, fifth one on
everyone eats then everyone's gone - right?
you and your mom, you are beckoning
back of the car and we all pile in
born as a boy he is born in sin
but he grows til he knows he can stand and sing:

blue breath, rosy death - I choose you
See me patiently waiting for you?
They say, "answer the phone for your mom!
she tries never to do any harm to you"

Take my hand and we sneak outside
You are scared though you know it's rain
A dog is still there barking
Mom never finished parking
A hose that could feed a car -- like the dream that you come from space!
But soon you'll be waking, day will be breaking
There you cry
Lost in the minimart
Hide in the bathroom with all the lights off
Breaks my heart
to lose it in memory
Craziest devotion, look and you turn to stone

Era of losing skin, showing up late just to make you interested
Walls - leaning on the toilet seat
Making diamonds of dreams that don't come to me
Sharp - a story with an arc
Toting bottles in the park
And we show up after dark when it's so late
All I ever really tried to do was to be like the dude that would be with you
But it's hard
losing all your baby teeth
making jewels of dreams that don't come to me
Era of Losing Cause - trying to find a place we can gather moss
sssssssigh...
A wish that he could kill with his eyeball
A wish that he could feel with his soul
A wish that he could bleed all over the ground for his friends til he's done with it all
The dirt from the hole you are buried
A rose there will grow, as we know
The breath that you take in the nighttime blows from your lips before you can swallow

Blue breath, rosy death - I choose you
See me facelessly roaring at you?
They say, "answer the phone for your mom!
she tries never to do any harm to you"

Blue breath, rosy death - choose you
Dig deep, you will be here with me too
One less step on the stairs in the dark
I try never to do any harm to you
Track Name: White Sheet
all your friends will say
that you are the biggest faker
when you decide to say
that you are a life taker

what do you hear when the phone rings?
A white sheet on old things
and we all sing -
I won't shake your hand, I don't wanna be an earth-quaker
I won't shake your hand, I don't wanna be a heart-breaker
ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah ah ah

Wait! I think someone's at the door...
I know it's not your mother
Wide old world in store
But it's just for someone other

what do you hear when the phone rings?
a new ghost for bad dreams
and we all sing -
I won't shake your hand, I don't wanna be a god-fearer
I won't shake your hand, I don't ever wanna get nearer
ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah. ah ah ah ah ah ah

I used to love to feel this way
final breath breathing
I used to love to feel this way
final hurt coming

ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah. ah ah ah ah ah ah
Track Name: Believe it!
Believe it like a miracle that existence is a lie that you must say as you look into my eyes
and kiss me once and dig your grave and die
Collecting up your matter, then just bursting out some notes
and you should cry as you're looking at my toes
and leave this bar and take the train alone

I forgot what I was saying and just stopped to crack a smile at you and blush like I'm seventeen years old
about as much life as we might ever know
it's just like when you're sleeping, or like softly falling snow
what you can hear as you're walking out the door
when no one knows you anymore
no one knows you anymore
Track Name: Hate Yourself
hate yourself and give me more of you
I want to climb inside your eyes
break your heart when no one's listening
and sleep alone tonight
hate yourself and give me more of you
I want to climb inside your eyes
fall apart when no one's watching you
and sleep deep
Track Name: Lost in Space
Kinderhook creek, buried in sand
Let's pretend it's a day on the beach
My brother's pulled under
Swept away by the strength of the stream
And though you pulled me from a well
It's like the drowning stayed in my place
And an empty part of the water
contains a new kind of space

when it seemed like my heart was a candle
when it seemed like my heart was a moon
our stomachs had never been closer
but i was ten thousand miles from you
and the good things were made of a burning
and the good things were made like a tide
and we run away from the water
but it licks our toes all the time

and i follow you down to the subway
and i follow your shadow all day
and i follow your heart and its beating
like i follow its melting away

something in these thoughts was buried in sand
when you died on a day in the spring
and the dirt pulled you under
but it prickled me under my skin

in the future we'll be floating, lost in space
I will not remember the features of your face
or how we lost our paths and fell away into the ground
we'll be floating, lost in space
I will not remember the features of your face
or how we lost our paths and fell away into the ground
we'll be floating, lost in space
I will not remember the features of your face
or how we lost our paths and fell away
into the ground
Track Name: See Bright, Be Fine
If you are healing now
If you have no more buddies left in your life
If you see clearly now
but close your eyelids and nothing comes to mind
If you are brighter now
I wish that you would write to me right now and tell me

now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine

My buddy left this year
Without his glasses or his wallet or his keys
I know he's building now
I hope he's living and he thinks of me and sees
a little brighter now
When he decides to call his parents finally he tells them

now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine

ooooohhhhhh

If I am satisfied
If we are eighty and we still lay side by side
and if I see bright
and know that I tried
I know I won't die scared of dying
I know I won't die scared of dying

What if I appear without tears in my eyes?
Truth stumbles out of beers, twenty years of your life
and what if the aching isn't broken enough?
and now that I am living have I spoke it enough?
It's me that delivers when I turn you to statue
Oliver, can you burn with the match you - strike
and do you really have the right
to freeze in the middle when the spring is in sight?

now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
now that I've had time to think
I wanna see bright, be fine
arms wide, eyes wide
arms wide, eyes wide
see bright, be fine
see bright, be fine
Track Name: Sacred Heart
As soft as breathing in the middle of the night
A lack of bleeding as the cut breaks open wide
I know this movement is the bricks of what we are
I find it soothing to be dying like a star

When we get drunk I always tell you how I'm tired
How when we speak it's like I'm spoiling someone's child
A little candy and a different bedtime
A little wisdom from the mouth of someone dying

My hands shake, shivers down my spine
To see your eyes wide
I want you to never leave this car
It's my smallest part in the sacred heart

A kiss for new years and we're shouting all we love (i'm seeping slow)
I feel the same as you until we see the sun (into the ground)
I wish we'd fall asleep and never breath again (to be a part)
I wanna tell you that I love you more than speaking can mend (of the sacred heart)
(I used to be just like you are, separated now we are burning, burning stars)

My hands shake, shivers down my spine
To see your eyes wide
I want you to never leave this car
It's my smallest part in the sacred heart
I'd say, you can come inside
please be all mine
I want just to freeze you where you are
And make you part of the sacred heart
of the sacred heart
of the sacred heart
of the sacred heart
of the sacred secret
Track Name: Hello Morning
I like the sound when the doors close
Hello morning, it's time to go
I've spent so much time bleeding
I forgot to shave my beard
It shows you how long I've been here

Here's your birthday card
i love you so much
I pray to god that he chains you up
we sing words that have no meaning
but feel twice as nice to hear
they show you how far i've come

alone for the length of a cigarette
the plastic kiss that we won't forget
but if we never get off this highway
then you'll never have to leave
it shows you how red I bleed
it shows you how far I've come
it shows you how far I've come
it shows you how far I've come
Track Name: Funny Things
You see that I'm naked, I see a pose
These thoughts once were bitter but now stone
Now that I've learned how to stand in my skin
It's time I admitted this funny thing

Do you look in the mirror and see a heart
that bleeds such transparent, tepid blood?
I want to hear you scream at me
our chests have been pumping such funny things

the endings of car rides, the swell of your face before you cry
it's empty, unspoken
this speaking of coming untied
follow my footsteps
I'll show you these pits of my mind
I wish you would follow
I wish that you were like I was
blank as a white bedsheet
thanks for your time, it helps me
when I couldn't think to be
anything other than held underwater for you to discover after I have AGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

say something beautiful and just disappear
or hate how you're living like everyone else here
psalm for a sinking ship
for the one little piece of it
that floats on the water when the rest has gone under
Track Name: Cease to Be
you look at her once and you'll know completely
she is the way that you thought she'd be
something like clarity that I seek out
to look in the mirror and cease to be

to live in the saying that lasts your whole life
or maybe in waiting to kill this dream
sometimes so scary that we just freak out
to look in the mirror and not see anything at all

forget you are human
for just a minute
forget you not ethereal
like a miracle, like a miracle, like miracle

see me so boldly with eyes just weeping?
(so you can) see what I'm like when I'm fast asleep?
restfully lifeless or reckless leaping
see when I'm moving so slow
or can't see anything at all

forget you are human
for just a minute
forget you are not ethereal
broken, cynical
lost and fearing-all
dark in the hall
like a miracle, like a miracle

no suicide can bring you dying so hard as you'd find just by being alive